Its been almost a year

The boys have been gone almost a year

Our lives have returned to normal and life ahas one would expect moved on. We are still in touch with our student from China and his mom and I still keep in touch weekly.Our student from Germany disappeared in to the European sunset only to have surfaced for a brief few hours last weekend.

Every now and then we will get phone calls from China and for that we are grateful. But last Saturday night we got a call from an unknown number.

"Hallo"

"hello, who is this"

silence.

"Are you home?" 

"Who is this?" again we ask

"I am here and want to come over."

"Who are you?"

"Its me Julius"

Awkward for a moment then gathering our thoughts we asked when he was coming over. As per usual with any teenager, tomorrow would be good for him..really...It may not seem like a big deal but since we last had Julius in our home we moved and not a few miles but hundreds..

So the next morning 250 miles later Julius was sitting with us having coffee and toast catching up on the year.

I dont know when we will see Julius again, but whenever we do I am sure we will pick up where we left off.

That night Chen called and we caught up with him...I think we will see Chen soon too.

All Aboard! Taking the train to Washington DC

Last Tuesday we packed our duffel bags and headed east more the 700 miles on the Amtrak Cardinal. With the price of gas and travel time being about the same I thought the train would be a great relaxing way to see the country. It was although for Julius, Alex and I a cut into the reality of America. Julius had been studying some of the places we were going to see however I am not sure he nor I were prepared for the America we did see. We saw poverty that hurt, people that made us wonder and compassion for others that actually brought a tear to my eye.

For the first time Julius showed empathy for someone other then our family as a man on the train struggled with his luggage, Julius jumped up and helped put the luggage away without any prodding from me. The man was disabled, most teens shy away from these situations I have found, Julius stood up and was gracious and kind, I knew then that he was growing into a great man.

The Cardinal travels through the Appalachian Mountains and as it is beautiful it can be real and depressing at times.

Washington DC was not exactly what he expected it to be either. It is mostly a city of historical sites and not really a city like NY. We were lucky enough to get into the Capital for a tour thanks to our congresswoman and her assistant David who gave us a great and informative tour. Then we hit the Library of Congress and if you have been raising a avid historian be prepared for some watery eyes as you can only get into the actual library if you are 16 with a pre-approved pass. The next day we fought the March winds and did a private tour at the Pentagon(special thanks to my brother-in-law for putting that together), again make time for security and invitations, this is not a walk up. From there we walked to the Lincoln Memorial, down to the Washington Memorial to the Holocaust Museum, (I took my chances here, my student is from Germany and my husband lost his family in Germany WWII, two different sides) It went well but be prepared for the emotions this museum can evoke on may levels all different which each person no matter age, race or class.

We finished up our visit with our return on the Cardinal four days later, although the conductor and staff were really great we were delayed for more then three hours.

Julius has not said much about the trip, when I have asked him he says he is thinking, as he learned more about who we are as Americans, and we as a nation are not what he thought we would be.

Tryouts and Character

I have to give him credit. Julius is constantly trying to push the limits of what he can do. The words I cant are not in his vocabulary. He has decided he will go out for baseball and not for just any position he wans to be a pitcher. So he gets a glove, balls and a net and starts practicing everyday for three months, he works out tirelessly and falls asleep most nights with his books in his lap. He drinks protein shakes twice a day and eats more bananas then your average chimp. He has gotten taller maybe a bit broader as well. His strength has increased more than 40%. But with this said he walked out onto the field yesterday for Pitching tryouts and actually asked the pitching coach to show him how to throw. I had to admire his spunk yesterday to go to tryouts with dozens of other guys and then say basically I know nothing about your sport and I am not afraid to ask you learn or try out. Such character, such a character.

"I am not always right I am just positive I am right" J.B.

Medical school at night?

I have wondered what my student has been doing up at night on the computer. Now I know.

Julius and I have been butting heads the last few days. Apparently he has been going to medical school at night, not really but he is a 16 year old teenager and is sure he knows everything. He has a severe sinus infection and although he has not gone to school for 6 days because he has been terribly sick he is sure that he does not need to see a physician or get medication.

After dragging him off to the Dr.s yesterday afternoon, I explained I don't think he passed the medical boards as he is pretty sick and needs medication, although I found it funny he did not understand.

Julius's infection has shown me that although I thought his paperwork was up to date, it was not. These things happen and the outcome could have been worse.

We had asked for and received and extension from both the group here in the US and the group in Germany. But somewhere along the way his health insurance had not been renewed.

Remember when you have a student keep the paperwork together and in up to date order.

I considered this a lucky break that we only had a sinus infection and some antibiotics instead of a broken bone, as we all know Julius and at any given point he can be found walking on banisters, doing flips on his snowboard or seeing just how slippery black ice is when you have sneakers on.

Lesson learned here...make sure your students paperwork is up to date.

"Did you know I was supposed to leave today?"

December was a world-wind month. We had so much going on. Chen seems to have settled in with his new family and is doing well. Julius has kept us in forward motion never giving us much of an opportunity to look back. Normally we have a regular artificial "plastic" tree for Christmas. To say that this year would be different was an understatement. Julius manage to convinced us to march out into the woods during a classic snowstorm and cut our tree down. Right before Christmas Julius decided to take up baseball, luckily like skateboarding and snowboarding he only injured himself lightly. He had hurt his wrist with snowboarding(It looked like a hairline fracture but luckily it wasn't). He received a black eye with baseball for Christmas(he was playing catch during a snowstorm). So far weight training has not given us any cause for injury just sore muscles, (I say this last bit softly as I knock on wood). Although late last week I was making breakfast as he wandered into the kitchen and began making his protein shake,

"I should be leaving right now." he commented rather matter of factual.

"OK where are you going." I answered, always on guard, with Julius he is independent and one can never tell what he is going to do next.

"Nooooo, I should be leaving back to Germany right now." Julius has a long drawl on certain words when he needs to make a point.

I stopped, it hit me like a lead balloon. Where did the time go? Half way already? The last two months had passed like the wind. My heart sank as I thought how our lives were made so different by this young man and how different they will be when he leaves. Will we ever see each other again? Will we ever laugh in the same room? Probably not. My eyes welled and I turned to wash dishes so he would not see what I knew to be inevitable.

"Did you know I was supposed to go back today?"He continued on as only Julius can, I just stared into the sink of disappearing bubbles, realizing like the bubbles, Jules would be gone soon from our life, leaving an deep imprint in a Julius sort of way quickly, lightly, happily.

I am already crying at the thought of there will be no more words of wisdom, "Like you must live every moment in happiness" or "I have many small accidents so I will never have a big one" (that one has me worried.) or why don't Americans take the time to write wishes? What he doesn't understand is although he is here to learn from us and our lives, he has taught all of us so much more about life.

Retraction of sorts

Late last night Julius surprised me by explaining he had been reading my posts and one was wrong and it needed to be corrected.

As an adult I work tirelessly to set a good example for my son as well as other people that I might come into contact with. My father always told me that a man or woman of character always stood up for their mistakes, knowingly or otherwise.

Julius, I publicly stand corrected that you were not stuck in the tree, you were just pretending to be.

109 days and its going to be OK

No one said it was going to be smooth sailing, I was prepared for that. I thought perhaps I could handle it, my naivete' is now posted in bright neon lights across the country. Although instead of hunching my shoulders and sauntering off somewhere tail between my legs. I stand tall and proud that I did do what so many people are afraid to, that perhaps instead of being the final stop in a story I was the important bridge that will help lead to Chen's success, After all we cannot be the hero in the story every time.

Chen came over last night with his new host dad and although I had thought it would be awkward it wasn't. Allen is a kind man with a strong will and a soft smile. These are things that Chen needed that I could not provide that Allen can, as most people that know me can attest is I am not the discipline maven of SW Ohio.
I thought to myself after the guests had left and I turned off the front porch lights. Chen still weighing heavy on my mind all was good and it was going to be OK. Chen had found someone to help him and as I learned through the night his new family had confided in me that Chen was helping them through a lonely Holiday time. So is Allen helping Chen or Chen helping Allen. I am not sure but what I do know is there is a reason for everything and although we might not see it at first the answer is usually reveled in time and it is often better then we ever expected.

Chen will reach his goals now much easier with Allens help, just as he was able to easily reach the top of the Christmas tree with ours.

100 days

Its been a hundred days so I have been told. I battle with the thought I have been a failure.
We drove Chen last Friday night to his new home. I could not help but think about how this must be what it is like when you turn a pet into the shelter. The family all of us including Julius piled into the car, each loading a piece of Chen's luggage into the trunk. Along the 30 mile journey we stopped for what the boys called "The last supper".

Driving down the road past home after home of merrily brightly decorated houses I tried to keep the conversation light the whole time yet in the back of my mind I kept questioning myself. At 7:30 we pulled up at the meeting spot where we were to hand off Chen to someone who could help Chen. Chen's grades had been a roller coaster since he had arrived, sinking desperately low then reaching stellar heights when pressed with termination of the program. As a working mom, with one child in an alternative school program and another exchange student from Germany, 6 dogs and a traveling husband, caring for an Asian student with cultural gaps became overwhelming to me. Chen was sinking academically and I was trying to help the best I could while holding the anchor and treading water. The group that was handling the exchange students saw the situation and with expert ease stepped in and saved both Chen and I from drowning.

Chen is now happily resettled in a city not far from us. His life will be expectedly very different, but I am sure he will definitely prosper and have a more successful year then he ever thought possible.

The Ouch heard around the world

He loves to cook. Julius is my spontaneous exchange student. He is determined to live every moment to its fullest. I have come home and found him climbing trees, where he has gotten stuck and had to be retrieved, sliding down banisters, walking three miles to a skateboard park to get some exercise which is pretty good since he doesn’t skateboard. So it was no surprise when he started baking cookies. Everyday he would work to perfect his chocolate chip cookie recipe, (and yes he cleans up after he is done).
Then late last week I heard him talking in the kitchen. I knew no one was home so I went to see what was happening. There he stood making cookies with the computer propped on the counter as he mixed away he was skyping with his dad. Now Julius's dad happens to be a chef at his own restaurant and since they were skyping he was watching his son cook. Awed by modern technology and the ability to do this I left the room so as not to disturb the private moment. I was barely into the family room when a blood-curdling shriek was heard. I rushed back to find Julius nursing burnt fingers. His dad was there asking if he was OK.
After a moment Julius shrugged and went back to his work but not before I asked what happened. "I picked up a hot cookie sheet, my dad saw it and tried to warn me."


I looked at him and said I guess that was the loudest scream ever, Julius cocked his head like a quizzical puppy, "your dad heard it in Hamburg>"

We're an inch taller and a whole lot smarter

I started measuring the boys shortly after they arrived, in green crayon (it's what was the only writing utensil in my pen cup that worked or had some resemblance of a point, and still is) Their names scratched out with lines taken from across the top of their heads.
Since then each month they have come to me and said "Please measure me, I think I have grown." Each month these two boys from two totally different worlds stand before me and my green pencil as I scratch off their ever growing height. Each time I do this I get a flash in my mind of someone else doing this for my son, I find myself wondering would she stop what she was doing to measure him and then send me a quick note, would she smile and pat him on his ever broadening back and congratulate or console? I have to hope she would, so I find myself doing what I would want done for my son. But in the end isn't that what this exchange experience is about? Not just for them but for the ever growing ripple effect of the people they meet and touch. The sharing and caring and becoming smarter as a person about people and how to treat them.

Puppy Please???

Who can resist?

Soft round pink bellies, bad breath we forgive, playful pawing.

I was writing a article for a national magazine and needed some pictures of a garden. Having just put mine to bed for the winter I quickly called me closest friend.

"Sure, come on over" she said.

" I have to bring the boys I am carpooling."

'Great I have some new puppies in." My doggy friend is a weigh station for dogs in need. On any given day she has a dog visiting for a night or two. Today it would be two yellow labby puppies.

"I really want one." exclaimed Julius as he snuggled with the larger of the two puppies.

I will take care of it."

"No." I said firmly

"But why(the last word said long and drawn out)?" asked Chen, "Please?" he was cuddling with the smallest.

"No." Alex my son echoed

Its not that we don't like dogs, we do. We presently have 6 and adore each one, but its alot of work and puppies are even more.

So head down, shoulders fallen in misery they followed me out of the yard leaving the puppies playing hide and seek in the elephant ears.

No Place for Wishes

My day started out in a rush like most of ours. Dogs fed at an ungodly hour followed by breakfast for a multitude of rushing late teens, lunch bags made and stuffed uncaring into heavy backpacks, a quick load of laundry, sort of separated and car pool. Having mastered all of the above in record breaking time.

I thought I would throw in a dentist visit after the car pool.Dr. Williams was awesome or as Julius(my exchange student) told me "Nawesome!", teen speak for just pretty great I think.

Afterwards we went to Hallmark to get a "American Card". Still moving at American mom breakneck speed.

Julius walked up and down the aisles, pondering and looking, taking his time to get the right card. I continued to check my watch, well actually my phone, who wears a watch anymore and jingle my keys. Looking back now I realize I really had no where to go so I guess I was just practicing to stay in tip top rush form.After about fifteen minutes Julius approached me, my heart sank as he had no cards in his hands. I just saw myself repeating the process in another store. How hard could this be I thought. After all my version of card shopping is running(literally and physically) into the store, picking out a card at eye level in the right area, you don't want to send a bon voyage instead of a sympathy, signing my name, not reading the card, stamping and going, I am a American mom, wife and friend and don't have time for such frivolities - does it say birthday then its a birthday, belated birthday, good then I can take an extra day to get to the post office and use the time more appropriately for washing floors or more laundry.

"I have to ask, where do you write the wishes?" Julius asked truly from his heart, I looked at a card he was showing me.

"They come with wishes." I explained pointing out some collection of meaningless words written in colorful ink splashed against the brightly colored page.

"No," he always says No really long its one of his multi second words. "I mean the real wishes, the ones you feel and mean. There is no place on any of these cards for the wishes."

I thought we are so busy that when we send cards we don't even bother to write real wishes anymore.
I am not that busy and my cards will have real wishes from now on

Time

I have lied, fibbed, failed to tell the truth whatever you want to call it. I am pretty sure as I sit here that there is not one among us that has not done the same.

So as I am confronted with a battery of "fibs" , and I must dole out the necessary consequences. But what are those? This is a road I have not walked in a long time at least a decade.

You see years ago I found that if we treat people with respect and understanding they realize themselves without that awkward moment, that lying and fibbing are not really necessary. That respect, understanding and forgiveness and be realized and gained by facing your situation and asking for help with a course correction.

I don't yell, I don't punish, or ground, (lets be honest where is a 10 year old going without you anyway?) So what do I do?

At this point I am talking, listening and trying to understand why it is acceptable in one culture(his), and I expect he is confused why it is not acceptable or tolerated at all in mine. Its been a tough week.

I wonder and think to myself can it be that we need to strip down the outside layers so that the true beauty can grow successfully?

Sunday.

Tears and Fears

Things have been rough. There is no doubt. But at what point do we give up. I have been faced with the question every minute for the last few days. I have momments where I just want to give up.

Its hard, its frustrating.

But so many years ago, dozens of crunchy leaf falls ago I was told usually doing the right thing is the hardest.

Chen is coming down to the wire. His English is not as good as we had first hoped, and he is falling behind. I have worked endlessly everynight and when I tire or become frustrated, Julius or Alex have jumped in to continue the lessons.

We have only a few short weeks left to make this work or he will be returned to China. So now I take a breath and return to our studies and in my heart know that it is hard for me but harder for Chen.

Last night he looked at me with tear streaked cheeks and red eyes and said I have made a mistake. Can we fix this.

I am not sure, but what I do know as I write this is I wont give up trying. As long as Chen tries I will.

Homecoming and true love

It rained, winds were blustery and raw. It would be homecoming. Soccer at 9:15 which my darling husband went to while I tried ward off an impending cold at home. By noon we were headed out to buy shoes, shirts, ties and flowers, the rain fell off and on throughout our trip.
Have you ever tried to go to buy shoes with a teenager? Add into the equation a foreign teenager now whose thoughts on fashion style and sense are very different and for good measure throw in a cold, and limited time. And did I mention the ordered flowers were the wrong color? By 4 pm we had maneuvered our way though piles of ties and drifts of shoe boxes. BY 4:20 everyone was showered and dressed. I was still unpacking groceries and there they stood dressed looking to learn how to tie ties.
I felt bad I thought their parents should be here for this, but the least I could do is take pictures of the moments and send the pictures.
Chen was going to a friends house and would be going with the boys to the dance. Julius had chosen the date route. That meant everyone had to be at their assigned party within minutes of each other and since Murphy's Law was in play that meant it would be across town. My son Alex was having a spend the night and wires got crossed and the wrong child showed up so his parents had to be called, could it get any crazier, yep. We also had to be at a wedding at the same exact time in an entirely different direction, and don't forget the appetizers. Well everything went off without a hitch, well with the exception that David was so busy making ties that when he got to the wedding he realized he forgot his. I was busy taking pictures and delivering my appetizers I left my purse at the homecoming party! Oh and it was rainy and wet at the reception so I resembled a wet rat, with a bad cold...we laughed and took it all in stride and decided there was no doubt that, that was true love and your average homecoming.

Reality,Tears, progress Reports and having faith

Oh things are fine here, and it is certainly not as dismal as the title suggest. But now with our honeymoon time drawing to a close and reality setting in there have been some rough moments. I expected this and was prepared, however no matter how prepared you may be it is still hard for everyone involved.
My mother laughs and tells me the wheel is round.

I think about the dread I had when the progress reports made their way home and in 35 years nothing has changed. Those large butterflies still hover in swirl in my stomach.

This Saturday came and went and the knowledge that school progress reports were ready. The thought was there it lurked in the back of my mind every now and then raising its dark head prodding me to face it. I knew it would be bad for one of the students. He was having a hard time with language and assimilating into a very different culture. Sunday was a crisp fall day and I knew at some point I would have to face reality. As the afternoon sun warmed my office, I sat down and opened the report. My heart sank as if a death warrant had been issued and in a way it had.

My student from China was having a harder time then I thought.

I immediately went to him and brought him the news. He sat on his bed, I sat next to him at his desk that was covered in papers. I thought to myself how hard it must be, our language, letters, culture. I sat quietly not saying anything as he digested what was happening, tears welled in his eyes and then fell across his cheeks.

I waited patiently and when it seemed he was ready I told him all was not lost, we could do this if we all worked together. He seemed relieved yet fearful that no one would really help him. With that we all marched down to the kitchen table and while I made dinner my sweet husband worked with him on his English paper and my son and our German student helped with History and Programming. It was a long night of yawns and frustration. Apparently he has been lost for sometime and his was able to hide it well.

NOTE: It is three days later and I have been monitoring his progress and there has been a very positive move. Our grades have improved far beyond what we thought possible.

Perhaps all we need sometimes to succeed is someone to help not judge us and for people to have faith in us.

Eating Moon Cake and snakes

I want the boys to feel right at home and sometimes that means doing just a little bit more then normal. Today is a fall festival in China and Chen's mom wrote me telling me about it and how it is one of Chen's favorite holidays. She then told me his favorite snack are Moon Cakes, not to be confused with American Moon Pies or snakes. Chen had asked this week if we could go and get some snakes and made a slithering motion with his hand.

I was horrified, I asked what did he want the snakes for as the entire family including Julius stood there staring at him, our mouths hanging open. He said "to eat", OK so after my husband picked me up off the ground, I thought perhaps there is a communication error here as Chen did not look like the snake eating type to me, not that I know what a snake eater looks like.

Alex my son always trying to be accommodating suggested he try alligator because we could get that at the local grocery store.

Chen looked equally horrified now as we all stood there staring at each other. He started saying over and over I want to get some, you know snakes! Then he looked at me a broad smile emerged and he said directly to me, spelling each letter slowly S-N-A-C-K-S.

OK did I know he wanted snacks all along..yep..did I want him to work for the right word, yes, and now every morning when he makes his lunch he shows me his treat and says "Snack", puts it in his bag and smiles broadly his eyes twinkling and I tell him no "Snakes" and we all laugh.

Alex still wants Alligator though.

The wheel is round, so my mother says

The wheel is round so my mother says but I prefer to think that history just chooses to repeat itself.
I spent the weekend in the local shopping mall, frightening as it may seem. I thought by having boys this would not happen. I wondered many times throughout the day did my husband know something when he told me he hurt his knee and could not walk, although I must admit that getting the knee brace was a bit extreme.
We took Chen and Julius to the mall. Now these two boys are great friends and companions, however they are extremely different in every way, music, clothes, sports, hair styles, right down to their sneakers.
Now imagine a Saturday afternoon, 88 degrees, a major mall, labor day weekend and two teenagers who speak fair English. I aged. One wanted The Apple store and Abercrombie the other Foot Locker, Dicks Sporting Goods and Sunglass Hut.
I will say I survived thanks to Auntie Anne's Pretzels and Large amounts of Diet Coke.
I maneuvered through minefields of sizes, sales, prices and ATMs.
At the end of the day I took note we never stopped laughing and smiling and I realized that they weren't that different from the boys my husband and I have already raised into brilliant, charming gentleman. Chen is identical in so many ways to Joey, academic, basketball lover, music and movie maniac with an awesome smile and bright smiling dark eyes. Julius is Dan all over again. He's our salesman, out going and energetic to the point of exhaustion, more athletic then academic and a contagious attitude of happiness. A girl catcher if you will, whose green/blue eyes peek out from beneath his bright blonde hair. So who says history doesn't repeat itself. Mine has, and all I know right now is I am so grateful that I have an opportunity to make a difference in someones life, just by getting up a little earlier then normal to say "Good Morning." and asking "How was you day?" at the end.

No one said anything about so many dogs

I am not sure what Julius and Chen thought. There was alot of uncomfortable smiling. Polite smiling. But frankly what else do you do when you are greeted at your new host home and they have 6 dogs barking, jumping and slobbering all over you and some are even bigger then you?

Chen smiled and was extremely polite, as was Julius. The only comment was, "I thought your house would smell like dog, but it doesn't"

Awkward.


Sully the Newfoundland all 126 pounds of him left 4 inches of spit across Chens clean shirt.

The awkwardness past

Video games, zombies and languages

It was awkward, we didn't speak Chinese and he very little American at that moment.

My son walked right up to him and introduced himself and asked if he played video games and had he seen the movie Zombies Rising..I and my husband exchanged looks of fear.

Chen gave a hard look at Alex and minute later a huge smile washed over his face, "Ah yes, I have seen this, do you play video games with zombies?"

Each smiled and started to walk down the concourse taking their time speaking with each other, laughing, not noticing their differences.

I told my husband I think it will be OK as he reached for my hand and smiled back.